Sunday, June 17, 2012

10 terrible gift ideas for Father's Day

  • If you truly love your dad, you'll avoid all of these items.
  • A subscription will not be appreciated.
  • Can you wrap 'quiet time' up in a box? No? Give it anyway.
Cory Byrom
Editor's note: Cory Byrom is a stay-at-home dad to three children all under the age of six. Sometimes, once the kids are in bed, he does stand up comedy in the Atlanta area. He is also the husband of's Art Director Kelly Byrom.
With Father's Day just around the corner, sons and daughters across the land are scrambling to figure out something to get for their dad. No doubt, you've already seen plenty of lists on shopping sites across the net with ideas of what to get him for his special day.
Instead of telling you what you should get him, here's a list of absolutely terrible gift ideas which you really should not purchase for someone who claim to love. Sure, he might smile and say thanks, but deep down inside, you'll both know you dropped the ball.
1. A tie: Yes, ties can be cool, stylish and jazz up an otherwise mundane workday outfit. But the truth is most dads wear ties because they have to. Getting Dad a tie for Father's Day is the equivalent of getting him socks or underwear. If we could get away with it, we wouldn't wear those either.
2. Any music instrument Dad doesn't already play: Sure, the ukelele is a beautiful instrument, but you know Dad is more of a tenor sax man. Unless you're going to pay for lessons too, this one's just going to collect dust next to that fancy telescope you got him for his birthday.
3. membership: All of those jokes about trading Mom in for a newer model were just that: jokes.
4. Cuff links: I'm sure the cuff links go great with that pocket watch and monocle Dad wears to the gala, but let's be honest here. They're going to end up in a drawer.
5. Any tool purchased at the supermarket: It's nice that you tried to get something functional, but please take that $10 and put it into a gift card for the hardware store where we can buy a tool worth a damn.
6. Hooters gift card: See No. 3
7. Xbox Live subscription: This is a fine gift to receive, but really you shouldn't be getting something for Dad that's only going to encourage him to spend less time with the family and more time immersed in “Call of Duty.”
8. Desk organizer/cologne/grooming kit: Ok, we get it, we're smelly slobs. There just has to be a better way of addressing the problem, preferably on a day when we're not being celebrated.
9. Pocket toolkit: Admittedly, some of those Leatherman multi-tools are really nice. But chances are the one you found on the end of a Wal-Mart aisle isn't of the highest quality. Really, a pocket-anything is probably best to just avoid. Unless you can find one of those old Ronco Pocket Fisherman. You never know when Dad might need to fish.
10. Digital Grill Fork with Built-In Thermometer: Come on, give us a little credit. We know how to grill a steak.
You know what they say: it's the thought that counts, and that's definitely true with Father's Day gifts. So show Dad you really put some thought into his gift this year and give him something all dads can appreciate: let him sleep in as late as he wants. Now that's something that says “World's Greatest Dad!”

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